Woah. It's fucking long. Going 1month didn't update this sucky blog. Don't know why I choose to update at this time. Can't sleep? Bored? Boliao? Moody bahhhh.
Sigh. Just a short 1month, a lot a lot of thing happened. )':

Firstly, I lost someone that I treasure so much, went thru so much of ups & downs.
I lost someone who always keep me accompanied, give me advices, scolded me when I done silly things. Someone whom I used to spent everyday with her. Even how broke we are, we will still meet. Even by just sitting under a void deck, we still meet.
We will never run out of topic. We will never have communication breakdown.
I'm sorry. I knew, I'm the cause of this matter. I shouldnt break my promises. I shouldnt neglect you when I promise I won't. I shouldnt said those harsh word.
But, whateve it's. I know, you no need me anymore. I make you feel the loneliness. Sorry.
Well, I just hope you can find a true friend. A friend that won't hurts you. A true friend that stay by your side. I'm not up to you. I failed. I just hope you happy. You happy = I happy too.
Anyway, thanks. Thanks for all this while being with me, went thru the hard time with me. Waited for me for 1year. Thanks. I'm so ashame that I actually so suck and ungrateful. ):


Secondly, recently I keep self harm.& I don't know why. Wheneve I'm sad or can't take it. I will pinch myself hard. I don't know why. I think I'm crazy. Seriously.
I have a good boyfriend. A boyfriend who love ali, love to nag. Cannot stop nagging.
He love me, thats why he nag at me. Control me.
He treats me very good. He give in to me all he can, pampered me, care for me, do things for me.
Whatever I want, he will try his best to give me.
But, I'm a seriously sucky girlfriend. Seriously. I'm still childish, navie and purposely.
I always want to enjoy life when I'm alrd attached. Whenever one is attached = committment.
But, I can't. I just like to do the oppsite ways. I always make my boyfriend angry.
I took thingss for granted. If one day he leave me, = Serve me right.
It's like how my closest friend leave me. { Serve me right too! }
I'm ain't perfect. I suck seriously. I seriously think I'm so lousy -.-

Let's see how bad am I.
Boyfriend dotes me so much.
Whenever I'm angry, he will give in to me first. But, I will go worst. = purposely/unreasonable.
He bring me to Zoo. He buy for me things that I like.
He lent me his precious DS when he can enjoy himself playing it.
He lent me his Itouch because he don't want me to be bored on the way to work or taking transport.
He sent me home everytime.
He bring me to Jack's place because I never went before.
He's bringing me to Universal Studio for my birthday.
He prove to me how muchs he love me. But, but... I just took it for granted.

Me? = unreasonable, not understanding, cant be trusted, attitude problem, threatening, ungrateful.
I always find thing to quarrel. I always accused him when I know he done nothing wrong.
I always compare things.
I always make him sad. I never make him happy one.
I. I. I I I just sucks totally. Seriously not a good girlfriend.
{ Baby, I know you don't like me to say this. But I really want to say}
Baby, I want you to be happy. But it's seem like we are always quarreling. I know, I not understanding. I very unreasonable. I'm sorry.
I have been thinking, if we never met. You will find another good one. Not like me.
You are a good boyfriend. You should , no. You can find someone better than me. Baby, if one day, you got to leave me because you cant take it or, if one day your feeling fade. Tell me,
This kind of thing I will understand. If one day, you met/know someone is better than me. Then go ahead. I will let you go. If the someone can give you better, just go ahead. Because I want you to be happy. I only bring sadness to you. I don't worth you do so much for me.
But, thanks for everything. Every single thing you done for me. I never ever regret being with you.
4 months together. I really hope we last. I really hope I will change.
Baby, I love you. I really do.

I'm sorry for all my nonsesne. I hope everything can start afresh. I will change for the better.
Thank you for tolerating me for so long.
Sigh.



...
.......
.......... I'm a failure. Both friendship and relationship. I failed.
Goodnights.